Love is the fuel of life! - but are you running on the right kind?
Knowing how you love (and want to be loved in return) can make all the difference in your relationships!
I read a book called the Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman a while ago, and it completely changed my perspective on love - how it's given, received and even misunderstood. Chapman became famous for breaking love down into five unique "languages" and once I understood them, it all just clicked. Love isn't just about what we feel; it's about how we express it in a way that truly resonates with others.
The book gives a breakdown of five different love languages making it easy to figure out how to express ourselves and connect with loved ones in the best way possible.
Once you've figured out what your partner's love language is you'll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them.
For example, let's say that your partner likes to hear the words "I love you" often. Even though they know that you love them, just hearing the phrase can brighten their day. But perhaps you thought that you should express your love by buying little gifts. Your loved one likely appreciates the gesture whenever you show your love, but at the same time it's not their personal preference of how they like to receive love.
The Love Languages Explained
1. Verbal Lovers. Like the example above, some people just like to hear gestures of love such as "I love you" and "I appreciate everything that you do."
For this type of person, you'll want to provide constant encouragement, never letting things go unsaid.
Try verbalising your appreciations in some way each day.
Don't assume your partner knows what you're thinking and feeling - speak up!
2. Time Well Spent. One of the love languages has to do with spending quality time with your partner. This doesn't mean just casual conversation; it means the times where your partner is your main focus. If your partner enjoys quality time, here are some things to consider:
Choose a certain time each day or week where you're completely dedicated to your partner. This means that you need to shut off the TV, put down the paper, and take some away from the kids.
Think of activities you can do together to really connect.
Make sure you have a good relationship with yourself; it's the only way you can truly connect with your partner.
3. The Gift Giver. Another love language is one where your partner may enjoy giving and receiving gifts. This isn't because they're greedy; it means they're visual people who enjoy seeing proof of your deepening relationship.
If you're with this type of partner, try these tips:
Even if you're a big saver, make the effort to spend at least a little money or make some homemade or handmade gifts.
Leave loving cards and notes for them.
Don't give gifts everyday, but give gifts that are meaningful.
4. The Chores. We can't forget the chores when it comes to a language of communication between partners. Since there are many things that need to get done around the house, it often causes problems when you try to figure out who's doing what. Keep these tips in mind:
Everyone has different chores that they deem important.
Figure out which ones your partner doesn't enjoy and do them.
Chores involve thinking ahead, which your partner will certainly appreciate.
5. Physical Affection. The physical affection love language can get complicated. Expressing your love physically doesn't only mean lovemaking. It involves simple touches too.
Each partner will usually have some kind of opinion when it comes to this language:
Figure out which kinds of touches your partner enjoys, it may be a gentle rub of their shoulders or some cuddling while watching television.
This is equally important, figure out which touches irritate your partner.• Get to know your partner's moods so you know when to express physical affection.
The Combination
Your partner will likely speak a certain combination of these love languages. As your relationship deepens, you'll get to know your partner better and better. It may even help to outright discuss the topic of love languages with your partner to better understand each other.
Do you want to improve how you connect with others?
Try reflecting on your own love language and experiment with expressing love in new ways - For example, if your love language is words of affirmation, try writing positive note reminders to your self each morning. If it's acts of service, maybe take some time to pamper yourself with a self care ritual, like a long hot bubble bath or a yummy home-cooked meal. If physical touch is your thing, treat yourself to a cozy cuddle with a favourite blanket or a self massage. Or opt for a day at a spa and book in for a massage if gifts is your love language. And lastly, if quality time speaks to you, try spending the afternoon doing something you love solo.. like reading, singing or exploring nature.
Experimenting with these new ways of loving yourself can truly shift your perspective on how you receive and express the languages of love!
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